I almost died and it saved my life..

A story about death and rebirth and exactly how I got here as a nomad.

I was alive as much as one can be after a 12 hour shift. It was 3am on a summer night, “I should be out with my friends drinking and enjoying my 20’s”. I was 23 working two jobs at the time. Not because I needed to, but because filling the gap was a coping mechanism for me. I’m just naturally a “busybody” as my mom would say. If life feels wrong, I'll fill the time with productivity until it feels right again. Except this time it just didn't seem to be going back right. Consultant by day, bartender by night. Two things I consciously filled my life with and not a lick of passion behind either of them. 

Busy body, fomo, overcapacity mind. 

I turned the music up to drown out the thoughts. How could I be ungrateful when there’s people who can’t even find a job? And then my moment of gratitude was struck from behind. BOOM! My mind rose before my body could. What just happened? Hello? Am I okay? All the thoughts running through my mind. I stretched my neck as far as I could to peek into my rear view mirror and see a pair of hips strut towards me. I opened the car door and the first thing I saw was a barefoot girl with Tequila breath going on and on about how it's okay and she’s gonna call us both an uber home. She hit me. The entire back side of my car was stretched into a design that disgusted me. At times like this I often think about how other people would react in my situation. I have a pretty calm demeanor, sometimes too calm. It gets me in trouble sometimes. 

Before I knew it the car was on the back of a truck and I was in the passenger seat. All I could think about was the 2 hours left I had to sleep before heading to the office. The blue and red lights, and sounds of handcuffs and pleads faded into the distance as we drove off. 

Busy body, lack of sleep, no car.

“I’m not mad, it just doesn't seem fair.” I told my coworker as we hovered over my computer desk skimming through all the different cars in a 50 mile radius. I was getting outrages quotes for my first ever car note when I realized how the system works. You get the job, you save the money, you buy the thing and you’re spending the rest of your life paying back the “thing” while dodging sickness and shoeless drunk girls from hitting you on the highway. At that moment I felt like I was at a 4-way intersection of a never ending road to the American Dream. I could make a right and get a beautiful brand new car attached to a note, or I could turn left and keep my freedom from a system that never had my best interest at heart. I Immediately exited out and responded back to an offer for a 2008 Acura TL with “I’ll meet you at 6, CASH”.

I made the left turn

Although I felt accomplished and happy being able to buy my first ever car with my own money, I still felt robbed of my hard earned savings from working non-stop for the past 2 months. My sister gifted me that car, it was my only upper hand into adulthood. But that was all gone now. I decided to gift myself a solo trip as a celebration of life.. or to just simply make myself feel better. 

Before this trip I was a little sad, depressed even but I didn’t realize it. How could I? I was doing all the things that you’re supposed to do. But as humans we’re all gifted with a sense of discernment so maybe I wasn’t depressed. Maybe it was an overwhelming cloud of discernment that there's more to life, or at least a different way of living it. 

Traveling was never on my radar, I was chasing the American dream of one day becoming rich and famous. Leading an office, starting a family, buying a house and keeping up with the latest shoes, clothes and cars. But if you know me personally, truly.. that's not me. My mind, body and spirit was heavily influenced by my environment, what everyone around me wanted but if you have those things and you’re still not happy then I guess something is missing right?

5 days, I spent 5 days alone in the city of love. Although I was never alone. I stayed at a hostel for the first time expecting to feel a little out of place and exposed but just after a few hours of being there I knew everyone, their life story and we were all heading to the Champs-Elyeese at 6pm for dinner. They didn't lie when they said once you start doing the things you love, you meet your people on the same soul path as you. I slept like a baby that night. The next day, after exploring for hours I got into the elevator and a guy entered behind me. He was French and I was free so we spent the next few days together seeing the city, telling stories and building a genuine friendship. Those days went by so fast but it was the best time I’ve had in a long time. I felt free, not just free of work and responsibilities but I felt like I was feeding a part of my soul that only existed thousands of miles away. My truest self. I came home wishing that could be my life everyday. And one thing about me, if I want something I will get it by any means. 3 months later I quit my job, bought a one way ticket back to Paris and started working as an au pair. Everyday was magical there. Even going to Starbucks for a coffee in a gold trimmed castle with 1000 painted angels on the ceiling and french filling my ears felt like a dream. I finally felt at home.. But within myself.

After the crash I was forced to look at life differently. I stopped telling myself things were “scary” or impossible because the truth is nothing was scarier than a drunk person hitting me on the highway and possibly losing my legs, my sanity or even my life. But I lost my car, and it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If that didn’t happen I wouldn’t have found the courage to take my first solo trip. I wouldn’t have found my passion for travel or had the courage to start working for myself. I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between working to live and living to work.

Since then I’ve become a full time traveler exploring a different country every month. Started freelancing and created a successful remote business. And fell in love with actual life again. I no longer chase that dream that never visited me in my sleep, but a dream to paint a beautiful life for myself that’s true and authentic for me. Even if it meant when I first moved to Mexico I’ll be taking pictures at the beach for $100. I’m happy, and if I were ever to be hit by another drunk driver again with a different outcome I’ll have stories to tell for the rest of my life or I could leave this world knowing I lived life to the fullest and did exactly what my heart desired.

Do the best with what you have and that’s exactly what I did and it changed my life forever.

— Lanna Madu

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